Disco Hunnybee

Tonight I shot sisters (2/3 triplets) Cierra & Celeste of Disco Hunnybee, a vegan/omnivore startup bakery. I am really excited to see them grow.  They hope to one day open their own bakery/late night coffee shop.

Where Do Dreams Go?

I'm working on a team.  We aren't aware of the goal, but we do know that we want to attain it.  I can't recall any faces, not even my own.  We climb a short mountain that leads into a large roofed cave.  This part of the journey requires us to remove a headstone covered in Hebrew and use it as a bridge to cross a shallow but dangerous stream that flows through the roofed mountain.  

I enter through a door, up many stairs and many other doors until I am in her room.  We have never met, but neither of us are surprised nor alarmed that I comfortably start undressing and contemplating what outfit I should wear to the Boston hockey game.  Her bedroom is quite large and busy with dressers, a king size bed, and trinkets like glitter spilled all over the floor.  Later this room will be filled with water and the roof will be gone.  

We show each other the room where we both used to sleep, not together, but separately at different times in our lives.  We both preferred the attic, a large mostly empty room.  We cuddle up in a nook where the makeshift bed formed its shape and suddenly become aware that we can look down.  Below us, an entire city appears. We enter.  We are trapped.  We wear what they wear and work as they work, and we cannot escape.

Anniversary of Me

Two years ago today I left for Germany, and what do I have to show for it?  Temporarily I accepted myself.  Temporarily I filled emptiness with novels about beets and Jesus' sarcophagus.  If I was there for any other reason but to learn, my experience would not have been so deep.  Never had I felt more alone and more at peace all at once.  I had no embarrassment, no shame, but simultaneously no desire to make people interested in me the same way that I became.  I reflect on my short hair with envy.  I wish I could still feel as confident as I did two years ago.  I miss having an experience that was mine and no one else's.  I miss me.

James Blake Lyrics

You wanna know me like waves know shores
You wanna know me like waves know shores
You wanna know me like waves know shores
You wanna know me like waves know shores
Like I know my own self's goals
Like I know my own self's goals
Like I know my own self's goals
Like I know, like I know

All I suggest is
I suggest you love like love's no loss
I suggest you love like love's no loss

Platonic

What does it mean to be a friend? The response to that question depends on who you ask.  If you ask me, a friend does not judge, a friend respects, a friend listens, and a friend loves.  While our lives tend to revolve around romantic relationships, it is often the platonic friendships that help us navigate through life's challenges, no matter how big or small.  Friendships can often make sense, but sometimes they develop out of conflict, out of niche interest, out of blatant disinterest, or out of shared experience.  Friends are so important.

Maine

You are so special to me. Nathan, my shining lighthouse directing me home. If I could climb rocks with you forever, I'd be happy.  Lupines with mites, pillow fights, schooners and gulls, lobster rolls. We both gained a little weight, gained some new stories, gained and lost time together.  I thought I saw you across the sky on the way home, and I waved.  I'll see you on the ground so soon.  I love you.

Nelsonville Music Festival

Went to NMF with Julie where we laughed, danced, drank lots of beers, and ate an unusual lunch.  The highlight of the experience for me was sitting in the No-Fi cabin which is quite literally a single room cabin lit up by my favorite assortment of celestial colored lights, where I sat on the floor just a few feet away from the acoustic performance of A Hawk + A Hacksaw.  The accordionist, Jeremy Barnes is the former drummer of Neutral Milk Hotel, which if you pay any attention to this blog, you will know my deep emphatic emotional and spiritual connection to that band.  Jeremy and his partner Heather Trost are not only a handsome couple, but they additionally will make you feel badly about your life by taking influence from their travels through Greece, Hungary, and Eastern European countries to generate a folky/traditional/nostalgic experience with their music, effortlessly plucking away at their violin with a single string or banging their hand on two sides of an accordion.  They sat in two wooden chairs in front of the room with a small chalkboard behind them, engaging the small audience with an open Q&A session throughout their performance.

Ok enough gushing for now.  We also saw, Kevin Morby, Alvvays (who I just learned is from Nova Scotia), Haley Heynderickx, and bits and pieces of George Clinton & P Funk.  The rest of the performance were just "eh" for me.  I had a throbbing headache and drank coffee late at night and took a midnight siesta before heading into the dance tent for some late night partying.  People went NUTS for Age of Consent, almost as if we were watching them live (which I have BTW, Lollapalooza circa 2014? I believe).  Some of the photos here are from this dude camping next to us making live projections with water and colored dyes.  I'm glad I got to fit in one last Columbus staple into my life in attempt to live it up before I become a real person later this year.

Me by Kate Sweeney

Kate Sweeney is an incredible photographer and human being. Yesterday was all laughs and smiles and allergies. 

Maisie

<3

Blonde

Kahlil dyed his hair blonde and asked me to take photos of him.  It has been awhile since I've taken any photos.  Often times if something is not challenging, then it does not feel rewarding, but yesterday was easy and comfortable and that felt rewarding.  There is something special about photographing a friend.  It's like putting love into what you're doing.  We just kinda wandered around my neighborhood and stopped when something looked interesting.  These photos mean something to me.  Kahlil made a change to his hair, and I feel a change to my spirit.  My spirit feels trapped in this city, and it can't wait to get out.  Soon I will ~*figuratively*~ dye my hair blonde as well.

A Force/A Stranger

I've seen fairy circles and fireworks, and I can no longer see you.  Fourth of July explosions of emotion flash across my eyes, a blurry filter between now and then.  I'm addicted to coffee again, addicted to thinking and wanting to throw up and expel the last eclipse and the next one and long car rides to nowhere and memorial fires and mini bells.  In Deutschland hast du mich vermisst.  I close my eyes to a fantasy world.  A world where I was never hurt, where I can still touch skin, where the Promised Land lived up to its name.  Like black waterfalls, I gush something sinister.  Something that I think I can control, but gravity is stronger than I am.  I am a force.  You are a stranger.

Just Some Good Arcade Fire Lyrics

Now the music divides us into tribes
You grew your hair so I grew mine
You said the past won’t rest
Until we jump the fence and leave it behind

With my old friends, I can remember when
You cut your hair, I never saw you again
Now the cities we live in could be distant stars
And I search for you in every passing car

Halfway

Some photos are put away.  Some time has passed.  One foot out the door.  The other one in.  Check out.  Checked in.  Highs and lows.  I'm halfway.  Some nights I sleep.  Some days I'm afraid.  I knock on your door.  You love me halfway.  I walk in with a smile.  I stay silent sometimes.  My mind is open.  My mind is halfway there.  Nails are half painted.  Hair just below my shoulders.  I met you four years ago.  Four years to halfway.  Half of my heart sinks.  Half afloat.  Hate is love.  Fear is unknown.  I roll like a stone.  I crash like a boat.  I tick like a clock.  I explode like a bomb.  I am a ghost, and you love me halfway.

Reflect/Deflect

I walk to a place outside, away from home.  It takes an unknown amount of time to get there, the same amount of time to return.  When I get there, I pause.  I face myself, she faces back.  We stare at our reflection, waiting for the other to make a move.  When she moves, I move.  We step back.  We turn.  The walk back is vapid, lame.  I didn't realize what I left behind for her.  She took my grief.  She took my volition.  She took my strength away.  I won't make that walk again for some time.  I can't face her again.  

One of My Favorite Quotes from an Author that I Cannot Remember, Maybe It's Tom Robbins

...in the middle of a story I don't know, having to finish it and call it my own.

2012 was a really tough summer for me

That room was empty because we started moving out.  I felt angry and sad and detached.  I put my energy into my friends and staying distracted from my own thoughts.  I miss that summer for many reasons.