I've seen fairy circles and fireworks, and I can no longer see you. Fourth of July explosions of emotion flash across my eyes, a blurry filter between now and then. I'm addicted to coffee again, addicted to thinking and wanting to throw up and expel the last eclipse and the next one and long car rides to nowhere and memorial fires and mini bells. In Deutschland hast du mich vermisst. I close my eyes to a fantasy world. A world where I was never hurt, where I can still touch skin, where the Promised Land lived up to its name. Like black waterfalls, I gush something sinister. Something that I think I can control, but gravity is stronger than I am. I am a force. You are a stranger.