Anniversary of Me

Two years ago today I left for Germany, and what do I have to show for it?  Temporarily I accepted myself.  Temporarily I filled emptiness with novels about beets and Jesus' sarcophagus.  If I was there for any other reason but to learn, my experience would not have been so deep.  Never had I felt more alone and more at peace all at once.  I had no embarrassment, no shame, but simultaneously no desire to make people interested in me the same way that I became.  I reflect on my short hair with envy.  I wish I could still feel as confident as I did two years ago.  I miss having an experience that was mine and no one else's.  I miss me.